( ____________ )

one of my favorite rituals usually kicks in mid-fall: coming home and immediately retreating to my room, hitting the play button on DVD player, and begin playing my favorite tv show, grey's anatomy. i absolutely love the show. it's relatable, and funny, and entertaining. i somehow get caught in their fake lives of romance, cutting of legs, and dissecting human bodies. it's fun. i have every season released and they all sit and wait their turn to be played for the 20th time.

i've thought about it before and wondered why i do this. because i usually don't sit and watch them... they just play. they're morphed into background noise to my picking up my room, to my doing homework, to my just laying around. maybe it's the comfort and familiarity of the voices that i like... or maybe it's just the noise.

my current read is Sex God by Rob Bell and I am captivated to say the least. he hits on so many core topics that could be discussed in way further detail... yet he has an amazing approach to them that makes your mind want to explode and shoot out glitter and confetti.

in the last chapter, he hits on the depth of the soul, stating that "the soul has infinite depth that you'll never get to the bottom" and in the back of the book (page 198 to be exact), he goes into further detail by saying "some [people] have to always have noise and external stimulus because they are terrified of the silence. the stillness. the present. if you stop and rest in the quiet, you will have to listen to what is going on inside of you. and this can be frightening".

hmmm.. that kinda stings a bit.

i honestly have always been so intrigued with "deep-minded" people. people who think so hard and outside-the-box about anything. digging deep into their thoughts. it's like.. you start talking about an apple and all of the sudden you are talking about how you give a homeless person an apple and an apple becomes so much more than just an apple! (i don't know, just work with me) i am definitely one of those "deep-minded" people. but, when do i seriously embrace the silence and become deep within my soul? when do i stop filling up the space with sounds of grey's anatomy or music and let my soul speak?

do you find yourself filling up space with sound instead of listening to how you felt today? or what you are scared of? or even what has excited you?

i'll end with saying that we will never know enough about ourselves. their is always room to continue discovering. and a way i am going to pursue myself is allowing silence to come around more than every-once-in-a-while.